My First Open

A year ago, this would have seemed impossible

If you had told me a year ago that I’d be sitting here, writing a blog about doing the Open, I would have laughed and immediately changed the subject. Me? Signing up for a competitive Crossfit® event? Absolutely not. But here we are. Before I explain how that happened, let me give you some background—trust me, this was not always the plan.

Struggling with mental health and movement

In 2021, I went through a season of depression that made even the simplest tasks feel impossible. Taking care of myself fell to the very bottom of my priority list. Most days, all I could do was get through work before crawling back into bed. Movement, which was once a regular part of my life, entirely disappeared, and before I knew it, I felt lost in the heaviness of it all.

Bit by bit, I started the work of rebuilding my mental health. With therapy, significant life changes, and a whole lot of patience, I finally began to feel like me again. But the long-term effects of that season didn’t just disappear overnight. The physical toll—losing muscle, gaining weight, and feeling disconnected from movement—made the gym feel terrifying. A place that once felt strong and familiar now felt like foreign territory, and stepping back into it seemed overwhelming.

Slowly rebuilding confidence

Around this time, my husband became a full-time CrossFit® coach and gym manager at a local affiliate. Since we shared a car and I worked from home, his early morning commute meant I was stuck at home with one option—walking to my apartment’s tiny gym for a workout. Meanwhile, I was part of the CrossFit® community in every way except working out. Gym dinners? Happy hours? Holiday parties? I was there. But taking a class? Nope. That space felt like his, and I wasn’t ready to reclaim movement as my own—especially not in front of a room full of absolute CrossFit® badasses who made it all look effortless. I felt like an outsider.

Taking the first step

Fast forward to when we bought our first house (thank you, thank you). That meant we had to get a second car because I obviously needed a way to get to the gym. No more excuses. So, for the first time, I started showing up at my husband's gym. And by showing up, I mean nervously working out in the back corner, doing my best to be invisible. I was convinced everyone was watching me (spoiler: they weren’t), and some days, the anxiety was so overwhelming that I’d leave in tears.

Over time, my social butterfly tendencies took over. Every day I showed up at the gym, I’d chat with people in passing, slowly making friends without even realizing it. And somehow, that led to me taking my first class. I WAS SO NERVOUS. Like, heart-pounding, considering a last-minute escape route, kind of nervous. Thankfully, my husband was coaching that class, which meant I had some sense of security—but also the very real threat of public humiliation. So naturally, I pulled him aside beforehand and let him know, very politely, that if he even thought about drawing attention to me, I would see myself out and never return.

But guess what? I survived. I kept showing up and taking classes every day for a few weeks, and I felt more confident with each workout. I even started checking the leaderboard (who even am I?) and realized. I wasn’t that far behind. It turns out I had been selling myself short this whole time.

Facing my fear of the open

As taking class became a regular part of my routine, the 2024 Open rolled around—and I knew for a fact I was not participating.

NO WAY.

TOO INTENSE.

TOO INTIMIDATING.

I convinced myself I wasn’t “ready” and that I’d just sit this one out. But I still showed up every Friday Night Lights to cheer on my friends—strategically dressed in regular clothes so no one could pressure me into joining. I was playing it safe, or so I thought.

From FOMO to fully committed

Biggest plot twist of all time? Every single Friday night, I left feeling a little bit of FOMO. Me? I wish I could join the CrossFit Open. It felt unbelievable. A few months ago, I did everything possible to avoid being seen at the gym. And now? I was starting to feel like I wanted to be part of it. A whole year goes by, and somehow, I’ve gone from full-on wallflower to being fully committed. Not only have I made fitness a non-negotiable part of my life, but I also landed a job at a company where working out is literally part of the job description. (I love you, HWPO).  But what was the most beautiful thing about this past year? Letting go of the idea that I needed to look a certain way or perform at a certain level to belong. That was never the case. This community accepted me from day one; I just had to accept myself.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped doubting and started believing. I let the HWPO mantra sink in every time I walked through those gym doors: SHOW UP, WORK HARD, and MAKE MYSELF PROUD. Which ultimately meant participating in the 2025 Open. I am fully committed. I’m talking about watching every Open announcement, strategizing my game plan to a tee, and really feeling those nerves every Friday.

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The open workouts

‍25.1: Scaled

Workout:

As many rounds and reps as possible in 15 minutes of:
3 lateral burpees over the dumbbell
3 dumb-bell hang clean-to-overheads
30-foot walking lunge (2 x 15 feet)
*After completing each round, add 3 reps to the burpees and hang clean-to-overheads.
♀ 20-lb (10-kg) dumbbell

I wish you could’ve seen my face when this workout was announced. If I had to pick one movement, I absolutely couldn’t stand it; it was burpees. At this moment, regret started to kick in because I knew burpees were not my strong suit, and I was already embarrassed about my score. Old habits die hard, so when it came to picking a spot for this workout at our affiliate Friday Night Lights, I chose the far back corner (we love a coping mechanism). 

Just keep moving—slow, steady, whatever—as long as I didn’t stop. And that’s precisely what I did. But let me tell you—my lungs have never felt worse. If you did this workout, you know exactly what I mean. Every rep was a struggle, and honestly, this was one of the most challenging workouts I’ve ever done. I don’t know if I’ve ever hated a workout more, but somehow, I made it through.

I was at the gym for hours after cheering on my friends and talking about how we did. It was SO fun. That feeling of community after pushing through something so brutal was inspiring—some might call it trauma bonding. As soon as the workout was over, I was pumped for next week’s. Don’t get me wrong; I was thankful for some time to let my lungs recover before round two, but I was starting to understand all the hype.

‍25.2: Scaled

Workout:

(22.3 repeat)
For time:
21 jumping pull-ups
42 single-unders
21 thrusters (weight 1)
18 pull-ups
36 single-unders
18 thrusters (weight 2)
15 chest-to-bar pull-ups
30 single-unders
15 thrusters (weight 3)
Time cap: 12 minutes
♀ 45, 55, 65 lb (20, 25, 29 kg)

I’m not gonna lie; I was a little bummed when I saw this workout. As someone who doesn’t have pull-ups, I knew it would be a short workout for me. I thought about scaling down to the foundation's level, but it didn’t feel like it would reflect where I am as an athlete. So, I stuck with the Scaled division and decided to go all in on that first round to get a solid tiebreak score.

The hard work didn’t stop after that first round, though. Once stopped by the pull-ups, I told my judge to write down my score and that her job was done. Then, I looked around and saw my whole community still pushing through, and I knew I had more to give, so I kept going—undocumented—subbing in jumping pull-ups for regular pull-ups and chest-to-bars, and kept going until the time cap. I felt SO proud when I finished because that decision to keep going showed me how far I’ve come as an athlete. It wasn’t about the score anymore but about SHOWING UP for myself and my community. Overall, I really enjoyed this one, and I can say it gave me a good goal for the rest of the year. Mark my words: I’m getting a pull-up this year.

‍25.3: Scaled

Workout:

For time:
5 Scaled wall walks
50-calorie row
5 Scaled wall walks
25 deadlifts
5 Scaled wall walks
25 cleans
5 Scaled wall walks
25 snatches
5 Scaled wall walks
50-calorie row
Time cap: 20 minutes
♀ 85, 65, 45 lb (38, 29, 20 kg)

One thing you should know about me: I LOVE A BARBELL. I was so excited to see deadlift clean and snatches in this final workout. Another thing you should know about me is that I have never gone upside down in a workout before. Handstand work? It's always been a hard pass. I’d scale it every time, not because I couldn’t do it, but because I was scared I’d be terrible at it. But 25.3? This one pushed me to face my fear. I literally did my first scaled wall walk 25 minutes before starting the workout. And when that clock started, I knocked out 25 more. They were tough, but to my surprise, I did it. And then, I made it to the rower before the time cap hit. The whole time, I could hear all my friends cheering me on as I rowed my heart out. I don’t think I’ve ever pushed myself so hard before. It was now or never.

Honestly, this was my favorite workout of the Open. Watching my whole gym do that last workout together was so much fun. We finished strong, and that energy was contagious.

My final thoughts

My Open experience was a rollercoaster of emotions, but I wouldn’t change a thing. This

Open showed me that community is EVERYTHING—seriously, the energy in the gym was unmatched. I couldn’t have pushed through some of those workouts without my friends cheering me on. It reminded me that you’re way more capable than you think, and sometimes, you just have to trust yourself to surprise you.

I’m honestly so proud of myself for signing up for the Open, following through, and giving it my all. There was a time when just walking into a gym felt like a huge mountain to climb, and participating in something as intimidating as the Open would have been totally out of the question. But here I am—all in, realizing how far I’ve come. It’s a massive reminder of how much I’ve grown physically and mentally. 

Overcoming the doubts, the fears, and the mental health struggles that once held me back has made this journey even sweeter.

The last 3 weeks were a reminder that if you SHOW UP and give it your all, your HAR.D

WORK does PAY OFF. There were moments I didn’t think I could go any further, but I did. And the best part? I’m already stoked for next year. I can’t wait to see how much I’ll grow, and I am excited to continue making myself PROUD.